Our Feelings and Attitudes Around 'Happily Ever After'

Our Feelings and Attitudes Around 'Happily Ever After'

by: Skye Thomas

Our feelings and attitudes have a huge impact on our ability to achieve 'happily ever after.' Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does one cause the other to happen? Which one has more power over how we respond? Does the person experiencing them have any choice in the matter? What if they are in conflict?

Feelings are what they are. We can't force them. You fall madly head over heels in love with someone or you don't. 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink' comes to mind as I try to explain feelings. There is no magical way to change how we feel. Our feelings aren't right or wrong, they just exist. Feelings are very powerful and definitely have a control over how we make choices and how we move through life. Think about the money, time, and focus we put into trying to feel good and avoiding feeling bad. It goes against human nature to want to feel bad.

Feelings are based in emotions. Emotions come from the heart. Therefore, I don't think we can change them from within our logical minds. If your girlfriend leaves you, then you feel hurt. You cannot be expected to simply stop feeling hurt. You will feel some level of sadness until you have finished feeling sad. It is possible to distract yourself for awhile, but the feelings will just lay dormant until you allow them time to fully run their course. There's nothing wrong with wanting to distract yourself from the bad feelings of missing your girlfriend, but it will slow down the process. There are constructive things you can do to aid the processing of your feelings. Regardless of how you handle your feelings, you're going to feel what you feel until it works it's way through your heart. You might always miss her and feel a slight tug at your heart when you think back, but the overwhelming sadness will eventually pass. It always does. That's why they say 'time heals all wounds.' You can't maintain any one feeling indefinitely. Emotions by nature are shifting and uncontrollable. They simply are what they are.

What about our attitudes? An entire multi-million dollar industry has been built around the power of a positive attitude. The industry wouldn't have survived and thrived as it has if it wasn't a valid and real concept. Our attitudes are rooted in our belief systems. Our belief systems are chosen by our logical minds. Therefore, it is possible to make a conscious decision to change it. Our minds have complete and total control over what we believe. I don't think I need to bore you with another longwinded speech about the powers of a positive attitude. If you've ever tried it, then you have proven for yourself that it is possible to make an internal adjustment regarding your attitude.

So, which is stronger? Which has more influence over our choices and behaviors? Does one overpower the other? Let's say that you find yourself falling madly head over heals in love with someone. That's a feeling, an emotion. It comes from your heart. However, at the same time, you are entertaining a very pessimistic attitude towards love and relationships in general. The attitude comes from your mind. Which will win out, the feelings of falling in love or the dark attitude? It's hard to say. If you change your attitude, then the feelings of being in love can grow and perhaps become a wonderful source of joy for you. If you hold on tightly to your attitude, then eventually it will wear on the loving feelings and you will eventually stop loving that other person. What if the feelings of love were so amazingly powerful, that they caused the attitude to change and your core belief system about love and relationships changed too? Your feelings can definitely have an effect on your attitude, but more often than not, your attitude wins.

Your attitude is not more powerful because it's more important than your feelings. It's more powerful because it's more stubborn than your feelings. Let's look again at our example where the feelings are positive and the attitude is negative. We've seen people fall madly in love with someone who loved them in return. These same people had bad attitudes about love and relationships in general. Their feelings were not able to overpower their attitude. They believe 'it's never going to work out anyway' and create a self-fulfilling prophecy. By not believing in love, they destroy their good relationship and then feel hurt by the failed relationship. Their minds take that as evidence to further continue with the negative attitude regarding love. The reason the attitude wins the battle more often then our feelings is because feelings are ever-changing and flexible while attitudes are often locked into place and become an unmovable force.

What if the feelings were bad and the attitude was good? If you felt afraid that you might be rejected by the opposite sex, but you had a positive attitude towards love in general because you'd had 'happily ever after' role modeled to you as a child, then you could choose to keep moving forward despite your feelings of fear. Your attitude would win out over your feelings once again.

If your feelings and attitudes match, then you have an inner balance and harmony within yourself. Isn't this the age-old battle between heart and head? Attitude comes from your head and feelings come from your heart. When the two agree you are able to focus and move forward with confidence. When the two are at war you have to decide which is right... the heart's feelings or the head's attitude? Perhaps in sitting quietly and looking inward at our feelings and attitudes from a detached perspective, we can evaluate and chose for ourselves on a case-by-case basis which one should lead us.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to get a free preview of one of her books.

Our feelings and attitudes have a huge impact on our ability to achieve 'happily ever after.' Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does one cause the other to happen? Which one has more power over how we respond? Does the person experiencing them have any choice in the matter? What if they are in conflict?

Feelings are what they are. We can't force them. You fall madly head over heels in love with someone or you don't. 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink' comes to mind as I try to explain feelings. There is no magical way to change how we feel. Our feelings aren't right or wrong, they just exist. Feelings are very powerful and definitely have a control over how we make choices and how we move through life. Think about the money, time, and focus we put into trying to feel good and avoiding feeling bad. It goes against human nature to want to feel bad.

Feelings are based in emotions. Emotions come from the heart. Therefore, I don't think we can change them from within our logical minds. If your girlfriend leaves you, then you feel hurt. You cannot be expected to simply stop feeling hurt. You will feel some level of sadness until you have finished feeling sad. It is possible to distract yourself for awhile, but the feelings will just lay dormant until you allow them time to fully run their course. There's nothing wrong with wanting to distract yourself from the bad feelings of missing your girlfriend, but it will slow down the process. There are constructive things you can do to aid the processing of your feelings. Regardless of how you handle your feelings, you're going to feel what you feel until it works it's way through your heart. You might always miss her and feel a slight tug at your heart when you think back, but the overwhelming sadness will eventually pass. It always does. That's why they say 'time heals all wounds.' You can't maintain any one feeling indefinitely. Emotions by nature are shifting and uncontrollable. They simply are what they are.

What about our attitudes? An entire multi-million dollar industry has been built around the power of a positive attitude. The industry wouldn't have survived and thrived as it has if it wasn't a valid and real concept. Our attitudes are rooted in our belief systems. Our belief systems are chosen by our logical minds. Therefore, it is possible to make a conscious decision to change it. Our minds have complete and total control over what we believe. I don't think I need to bore you with another longwinded speech about the powers of a positive attitude. If you've ever tried it, then you have proven for yourself that it is possible to make an internal adjustment regarding your attitude.

So, which is stronger? Which has more influence over our choices and behaviors? Does one overpower the other? Let's say that you find yourself falling madly head over heals in love with someone. That's a feeling, an emotion. It comes from your heart. However, at the same time, you are entertaining a very pessimistic attitude towards love and relationships in general. The attitude comes from your mind. Which will win out, the feelings of falling in love or the dark attitude? It's hard to say. If you change your attitude, then the feelings of being in love can grow and perhaps become a wonderful source of joy for you. If you hold on tightly to your attitude, then eventually it will wear on the loving feelings and you will eventually stop loving that other person. What if the feelings of love were so amazingly powerful, that they caused the attitude to change and your core belief system about love and relationships changed too? Your feelings can definitely have an effect on your attitude, but more often than not, your attitude wins.

Your attitude is not more powerful because it's more important than your feelings. It's more powerful because it's more stubborn than your feelings. Let's look again at our example where the feelings are positive and the attitude is negative. We've seen people fall madly in love with someone who loved them in return. These same people had bad attitudes about love and relationships in general. Their feelings were not able to overpower their attitude. They believe 'it's never going to work out anyway' and create a self-fulfilling prophecy. By not believing in love, they destroy their good relationship and then feel hurt by the failed relationship. Their minds take that as evidence to further continue with the negative attitude regarding love. The reason the attitude wins the battle more often then our feelings is because feelings are ever-changing and flexible while attitudes are often locked into place and become an unmovable force.

What if the feelings were bad and the attitude was good? If you felt afraid that you might be rejected by the opposite sex, but you had a positive attitude towards love in general because you'd had 'happily ever after' role modeled to you as a child, then you could choose to keep moving forward despite your feelings of fear. Your attitude would win out over your feelings once again.

If your feelings and attitudes match, then you have an inner balance and harmony within yourself. Isn't this the age-old battle between heart and head? Attitude comes from your head and feelings come from your heart. When the two agree you are able to focus and move forward with confidence. When the two are at war you have to decide which is right... the heart's feelings or the head's attitude? Perhaps in sitting quietly and looking inward at our feelings and attitudes from a detached perspective, we can evaluate and chose for ourselves on a case-by-case basis which one should lead us.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

Live With An Attitude Of Gratitude

Live With An Attitude Of Gratitude
by: Glen Hopkins

Imagine for a moment one of those nights when you just can't fall asleep and you have to get up early the next morning for a very important meeting of which you are the keynote speaker. Your alarm clock goes off early in the morning waking you from what little sleep you had. You stumble out of bed, have a quick shower, grab a coffee and some toast, and off you go to fight the traffic on the way to work.

Does that sound like the start of a terrible day? Most would answer 'yes'. Few people however, would answer, 'no'. These are the people, who are in my opinion blessed with a gift. A gift that determines how they view their life. These people live with 'an attitude of gratitude'. For them, the situation described could be worse. Much worse. For example, think of the man who doesn't have a bed, let alone a roof to over his head. When he is awoken from what little sleep he is able to get, it is by the rain falling on his cold body. He too stumbles to his feet and begins his journey to work in his bare feet. His work is in the field of survival. He searches though garbage cans for scraps of half-rotten food to eat and odd bits of clothes to keep him warm

The purpose of this example is to illustrate that we all have so much to be grateful for. Even in times when it seems that nothing could be worse, there is always a reason to be grateful. And when you feel a sense of gratitude, you feel a sense of happiness and content. My challenge to you today is to learn to look for the good in every situation and live with 'an attitude of gratitude'.

I assure you, if you were the fellow searching for food in garbage cans you too could find things to be grateful for. You just have to look hard enough and 'open your eyes' to what is around you. You have to focus on what's good in your life, not what's bad.

"I once was distraught because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." - Unknown

Life works in mysterious ways. Time and time again there have been stories of people who are in a dire strait yet they are found helping others who are experiencing greater turmoil. This is because once you have helped someone in greater need than yourself, you always feel better. You feel better because you have helped another human being, and this forces you to change your mindset from focusing on your problems to focusing on their solutions.

Always focus on the solution, not the problem and live with an attitude of gratitude! Mother Teresa was a primary example of this phenomenon. Her entire life revolved around helping others in need. As a result she experienced a great deal of love and self-satisfaction in her life.

I challenge you now to take a moment to think of five things in your life that you are grateful for today. For example, your friends, your family, your job, your sense of smell, touch, sight, and sound. The list can go on and on. Imagine what your life would be like without these things. Write them down on a piece of paper and really think about the things you are grateful for. You will be amazed at how great you will feel!

This article may be reprinted with the following attachment:

Copyright (c) 1999 Glen Hopkins

Having the Attitude I am the Greatest!

Having the Attitude I am the Greatest!

by: Rondell L. Demmings

While trying to ignore my teen daughters rap music a thought came to me. Whoever the rap artist was that she was listening to, is very positive about him self. He was negative about the women in his life, he made negative statements about the police but when it came to himself he was very positive. He used “I” statements, “I am going to be rich by the age of 24.” He visualized all the material items he would like to manifest such as cars trimmed in gold, houses and yachts. In his music he was claiming his success.

As a child I remember Muhammad Ali shouting, “I am the greatest!” No matter what Howard Cossell said Ali would still state he was the greatest! This is the attitude that successful people have. They walk the walk and talk the talk of success. They feel success through their mind, body and soul. They envision what they want and manifest it into reality.

In order to be successful you have to have the attitude of being successful. How are you going to accomplish your dreams of success if you can’t even envision your dreams coming true? You have to feel good about yourself in order to obtain the dream that you are pursuing. Whether it’s a dream of career transition, material gain or just the dream of peace of mind. You have to have the attitude of I am the greatest! In order to achieve whatever your heart desires.

Give Your Attitude A Little Altitude

Give Your Attitude A Little Altitude

by: Michael Dixon

Need a way to make your life a better place to live?

Life is our perception of what it is, not necessarily the reality of what it is.

Let's see if I can explain that. Life can sometimes be great, and at other times, not so great. It all depends on how we are feeling at the time. If we feel good, life is good. If we feel bad, life is a bummer.

The reality is life hasn't changed at all, only our attitude. If we want to improve life we must first improve our attitude about life.

Put a smile on your face and keep it there. It is impossible to feel bad when you are smiling.

• Smile every time you look in a mirror.
• Smile at people when they enter your office, home, or wherever. Smile at those you meet on the street.
• Smile when you answer the phone and throughout the conversation.
• Smile NOW!

Feel your attitude gaining altitude?

When someone ask "How are you?", smile and say "I feel great, and you?" This is very important, especially when you are feeling bad. The more often you say it, the easier it is for you to believe it yourself.

Think about the things that make you feel good and make a list. Now, try to do as many of the things on the list as possible every single day. You won't have time for the things that make you feel bad.

Take time to help someone out. Kindness is its own reward. When you are kind to others, they are kind to you. Smile and they will smile. Spread the smile virus.

Remove "No" from your vocabulary, right along with "can't, won't, shouldn't, wouldn't, etc. Get the picture? Now you have to say yes.

Still feel bad?

Go for a long walk, smiling and greeting everyone you meet. I guarantee you that by the time you return, you won't feel bad any longer.

I'm smiling as I say, "Have a great day!" :-)

Work Attitude Ethics For Progress

Work Attitude Ethics For Progress
by: Pierre du Plessis

This "fruit for thought" article is for all human beings, who somehow find themselves in the role of breadwinner and striving to improve their living standards.

© This article may be re-published only in ezines, magazines, newspapers and web sites, as long as it remains unchanged, together with the accompanying signatures and this copyright notice.

The heading of this article could just as well have been "How to position yourself for promotion" or "How to position yourself for career advancement" or "How to climb the success ladder" or something similar.

The answer on how to cultivate good work ethics is simple. Make yourself one of the linking pins in your organisation. A linking pin is someone to whom everybody turns to, to get information and advice from. It is also someone who can link persons, sections and departments for better co-operation. But most important of all, it is someone who can exert influence upwards, downwards and sideways in the organisation structure. In other words you must be able to influence people around you to carry out the wishes, policies and strategies of top management, by earning respect through your display of expertise and thoroughness. You must also be able to represent the valid wishes and needs of lower levels to top management. You can become a linking pin by striving to attain the following traits:

Cloak yourself with expert knowledge in your technical field of operation.

If you are an electrician, do not only be satisfied with your qualification. Try to gain more in depth expertise in this technical field of yours, to distinguish yourself from other electricians.

If you are an accountant, avail yourself of in depth knowledge about bookkeeping practices by studying or reading up on subjects pertinent for your field of technical expertise.

You can bluff your way during interviews, but once you have been appointed, people expect from you to perform. This is where the cookie crumbles or you succeed. The point is you must not only perform at an average level, but you must display exceptional or above average expertise, so that others can start to rely on your opinions and advice.

Produce accurate work.

Cultivate a habit to carry out your work correctly with a minimum of mistakes. Sloppiness or tardiness must definitely not be present in your attitude, personal appearance or any of your work outputs, be it notes, memo’s, letters, spreadsheets, conversations or anything related to your work.

Imagine what will happen if debits and credits are being processed the wrong way around in a financial department. It will have disastrous consequences. Strive for professionalism in what you do.

Be quicker than most.

This is one of the best ways to demonstrate your superiority and efficiency. By executing duties and tasks speedily, you are being more productive and can entice more important tasks your way and thereby not only increase your merit ratings, but also your ultimate job rating. If you can perform your duties speedily, do not wait and stay idle, but present yourself to your superior for more work. Find a balance to be both quick and accurate.

Display awareness of productivity.

This must start with your own self-evaluation. Ask yourself constantly if you are giving more back to the organisation in value, than what you are being paid every month. Although not easy to calculate, just thinking about it may have enough of an impact. Just imagine for a moment if your organisation were to be solely dependant for profit on the output of human beings only. In other words nothing to sell or produce but labour output. If you can do more, it reflects directly on profit. Luckily a lot of organisations have machines that make up in productivity for what is lost by unproductive employees. But being more productive in what you do as a human being, can contribute significantly to the profits of any organisation. As salaries are one of the highest cost elements in any organisation, this is one of the first cost elements that come under scrutiny during times of cost reduction efforts. You have to show your worth in order not to be included in downscaling of the labour force. But more positively, you have to show your worth to be counted in for consideration for promotion.

Get rid of time wasters.

Arriving late for work, stretching of tea and lunch breaks and elongated private conversations on the phone, are not only wasting your valuable time, but are a reflection of your poor awareness of productivity. Private conversations on the telephone are one of the most abused methods of stealth stealing from your employer. If you cannot be trusted on the use of the telephone, what else can you be trusted with? Are you a role model for getting rid of these time wasters or for abusing it? Are you earning respect for your ethical conduct in eradicating time wasters or are you just one of the crowd? If you discipline yourself and others around you on the economical use of time, you are on your way to earn a respected leadership role. Others must detect a sense of urgency in your execution of duties to begin to respect and follow your example. Do you want to be a follower or a leader? Do you want to stay obscured in the crowd for the rest of your life or do you want to be recognised? There is such a thing as telephone ethics, you know. If you are prepared to pay for your use of the employer telephone, you are not abusing it. Do you really know what you are costing your employer for using the phone? You are not supposed to use it for private purposes in the first place. It is a privileged instrument entrusted to you to help you in your work and not to cause financial loss to you employer.

Be open-minded and ready for organisational changes.

Whenever changes are announced, be positive and display a leadership role in executing the new policies and strategies. If you participated in the planning of the changes, then you were forewarned. But even if you experience unexpected changes, be first to look out for positive reasons for such changes and to influence others around you to accept it with positive attitudes. Defending superiors and higher management will increase your leadership status and trustworthiness. In a political sense it will display your role as siding with management against the disgruntled crowd.

Arrange and organise your paperwork.

A good filing system allows you to retrieve required documents and information fast for own use or for use by other parties. It is a reflection of your efficiency and your ability for sound logic thinking. If you surround yourself with paperwork to impress on others how busy you are, you are making the mistake of your life. It can be interpreted in many different ways, like you cannot cope with the workload, you cannot delegate, you spend too much on time wasters, you are too slow and worst of all you cannot manage yourself or others. If you cannot get rid of papers, you will not find the time to attend to the needs and development of your subordinates. You will also not find the time to liase with colleagues or to discipline your section or department. You will be a walk over and ripe for being misused by subordinates not respecting you. Rather be a reliable source of information with the time for training your subordinates and others. Clean up your desk to make time for others.

Read up on the principles of supervision and management.

Familiarise yourself with the knowledge on how to be a good supervisor or manager. If you can display management capabilities, you will sooner be identified for promotion. It is better to be promoted for your managerial capabilities than for your technical proficiency. It will allow you to perform your managerial duties better. Apart from being technically proficient, prepare yourself in advance for possible promotion. Make yourself ready and available for your employer and the future needs of your organisation.

Confidential information.

Your treatment of confidential information is going to be a good gauge of your character. You only have to make one mistake in this area, not to be trusted ever again. If you have a problem in this area, rectify it quickly. Your superiors and employer have to trust and rely on your discretion with confidential information. Some information must be kept confidential or secret until it is time for disclosure.

You must proof your ability for discretion with this type of information, so that they know they can trust and rely on you. Let them know and understand that you are part and parcel of management.

Show initiative.

Make suggestions to improve methods of work and systems. See problems as opportunities for improvement. Do not just report problems, but analyse it wisely and make recommendations for improvement. Recognise opportunities for improvement and development and utilise it.

Be honest, open and direct.

Harboring a secretive attitude of slyness with hidden agenda’s, will not remain a secret for long. Other persons will eventually detect it and despise you for it. You can just as well fire yourself, because that is where you will end up. Nobody will trust you after you have been exposed. Be open and direct in your communications and handling of conflict situations. Do not be afraid to air your opinions, as long as it is genuine and true. Truthful mistakes can always be remedied later on.

Summary:

Life is ever so short that nobody can really afford to remain average in the obscured crowd of nobodies. Make yourself stand out as someone with strong principles and work ethics, so that others can rely on your strengths. Qualifications alone, without work ethics, are totally worthless. Make the following words part of your life and your philosophy on your outlook of work:

Tenacity – keep on trying

Conscientious – keep on thinking about ways to finalise and improve your work

Humorous – make life bearable and enjoyable

Urgency – you must finalise your work with speed and accuracy

Trustworthiness – proof yourself to be a reliable and dependable person

Openness and honesty – be a person of honour and proud of yourself